It’s about 33°C right now. The temperature in my room isn’t far off, it actually feels cooler outside because there’s a breeze. I’ve got a tower fan pointed at me blowing nothing but hot air into my face. I feel guilty for turning on my PC but I think it’s able to cool itself sufficiently (I should know I built the fucking thing). One thing I love about these days is that the world feels different. Same as rainstorms or super cold weather, the country just seems a bit off. I like anything that breaks the monotony of it all.
In this sweltering heat, I think of one of my favourite movies. Without a doubt one of the greatest pieces of cinema ever; Apocalypse Now. Also happens to be based on my favourite books of all time; Heart of Darkness.
It starts with a black screen; we hear muffled sounds. Then a fade to a beautiful tropical paradise, palm trees and shrubbery. Blue sky above with a few light clouds. Then smoke fills the screen, yellow smoke, and a lone helicopter floats across. We’re reminded this is war. The guitar gets louder, the smoke dissipates and returns, then we hear Jim Morrison. This is the end, and with his prophetic words a line of fire dominates the skyline and screen from left to right; napalm dropped by US jets. We see the devastation, choppers flying around. A spinning helicopter blade becomes a fan on a ceiling, the whirring sounds of iconic Huey helicopters become the sounds of the fan. We see Captain Willard, upside down with the shot closed in tightly on his face, staring into the void. His skin shines with sweat as he takes a drag of his cigarette, his shot overlaid on fire burning through the lush forests. The introduction to the mind warping psychological journey that is Apocalypse Now could not have been made any better, it is absolute perfection.
It’s pretty much how I feel now, minus the horror. It’s so hard to do anything, I’ve no energy to even leave my chair. We’re so ill prepared in this country for heat like this – our homes are designed to insulate because it’s usually cold, not that they’re that efficient in cold weather either. For 33 degree heat, you need homes like you see in Greece. Everything is painted white, it’s all open and breathable. Everyone gets angry in the heat, we’re all frustrated because we’re so hot. At least it’s not humid though; not only is India in the midst of hellish heatwave but it’s also insanely humid in the air, so in some parts of the country you simply cannot sweat, meaning you cannot actually cool down and then people die.
Comparison stifles us, preventing compassion and making empathy harder. We’ve all got different situations, and we’ve all had different journeys to those situations, so there is no hierarchy of emotion nor a reference chart with a baseline for how we should feel. Hurt is hurt, pain is pain. I’ve said it before, whether you drown in a pool or the ocean you’ve still drowned. Other people’s experiences do not need to negate our own experiences, and if we do compare them then we’ll end up minimising our own. I guess you’d call this toxic positivity; hiding negative feelings to focus on a fictional optimism.
Perspective is a fantastic tool if used correctly, not as a point of direct comparison but just to see your place in the wider world. Yeah I may be baking hot, but I am not in as bad a position as others. That does not negate my overheating, but the perspective it gives me reminds me others are suffering in harder circumstances which alleviates frustrations without making me feel like I’m lying about being okay. Perspective!